K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
