My girlfriend figured out who you are.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
