Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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