I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
