mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
