dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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