i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
