you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
