Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
