I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
