no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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