sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
