Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
