I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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