God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
