I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
