Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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