cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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