He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Randomize
