he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
