Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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