i think my tv is drunk
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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