I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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