Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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