ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
