I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
