We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Randomize
