yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
