also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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