Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
