I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
