I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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