what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
