I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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