its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
