You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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