u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
