she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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