i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
