i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
