She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
God, I missed his penis.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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