all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
