She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
So gin and wine won't be happening again
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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