watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
