I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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