Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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