My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
