I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
