Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
NoShamevember. You game?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
