I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
