I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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