He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
