1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
